Government scraps plans for society to pay for Thatcher funeral after realising it doesn’t exist

(satire – or is it?)

The UK government has scrapped plans for all of UK society to come together and pay for the ceremonial funeral of ex-prime minister Margaret Thatcher after realising there is in fact no such thing as society.

The dramatic U-turn came after research by the Daily Mail and the Sun newspapers revealed there were so many illegal immigrants and feckless work-shy scroungers in the UK, that there would not be nearly enough hard-working, striving bankers left in the country to pay for the funeral.

In a short statement, a spokesperson for the coalition government explained the reasons for the decision:

Obviously it would be wrong to expect the funeral to be paid for by society if – as Lady Thatcher herself confirmed – it doesn’t actually exist.

So we’ve asked the many diligent bankers in the UK who selflessly keep the country afloat with their…