(satire)

David Cameron has defended his decision to scrap targets for school sports such as archery, as well as selling off all the bows and arrows, saying that expecting state school children to hit targets with an arrow rather than stack shelves in Tescos would be just a ‘box-ticking exercise’.

He also pledged to bring in further reforms to improve the provision of competitive sports in state schools by scrapping all school sports equipment such as footballs and cricket bats and selling off any bits of grass they could use as a playing field.

The prime minister said the key to the regeneration of sport was the return of more traditional competitive activities in state schools such as jumping through hoops to find a job or learning to sink or swim.

In a radio interview, Mr Cameron also went on to explain that allowing state school children to become good at sports may only…